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Name: Rebecca From: California View my complete profile . : Recent Posts : .
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Wednesday, January 28, 2006Working on the Blog I have given much thought and some discussion regarding the direction of this blog. The things I am most passionate about are not displayed here. Staying focused on content instead of appearance seems to be my biggest stumbling block. I have changed appearance several times this week with no forward progress on the actual purpose. I have suspended building the website until I can master this site in both content, advertisement that is closely related to content. I am very visual so this is something that has to be right, in order for any of it to be right. So I am learning many things in Photoshop for adjustment of photos for the web, and this week trying to upload a photo of me and my grandchildren to the web. Although I can see it on this site, I can't view it on anyone else's. Obviously I have done it incorrectly and I am attempting to do the research online to find out how to properly insert it, so everyone can see it. I find these are worthwhile lessons for learning html and Css both of which I will need for the web page. I have submitted requests to represent several companies, only to have them decline my application for ads on my site due to a different content or broken links. My primary objective this week will be to fix the broken links, post the photo so its viewable by everyone and then worry about the rest of the visual appearance. That is a lot to work on after work before bed, but everyday I learn something new. It is progress, slow but sure, and progress that stays with me, because I learn and retain by doing, and doing it over and over. div style="clear:both; padding-bottom: 0.25em;">
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Wednesday, January 28, 2006Working on the Blog I have given much thought and some discussion regarding the direction of this blog. The things I am most passionate about are not displayed here. Staying focused on content instead of appearance seems to be my biggest stumbling block. I have changed appearance several times this week with no forward progress on the actual purpose. I have suspended building the website until I can master this site in both content, advertisement that is closely related to content. I am very visual so this is something that has to be right, in order for any of it to be right. So I am learning many things in Photoshop for adjustment of photos for the web, and this week trying to upload a photo of me and my grandchildren to the web. Although I can see it on this site, I can't view it on anyone else's. Obviously I have done it incorrectly and I am attempting to do the research online to find out how to properly insert it, so everyone can see it. I find these are worthwhile lessons for learning html and Css both of which I will need for the web page. I have submitted requests to represent several companies, only to have them decline my application for ads on my site due to a different content or broken links. My primary objective this week will be to fix the broken links, post the photo so its viewable by everyone and then worry about the rest of the visual appearance. That is a lot to work on after work before bed, but everyday I learn something new. It is progress, slow but sure, and progress that stays with me, because I learn and retain by doing, and doing it over and over. div style="clear:both; padding-bottom: 0.25em;">Wednesday, January 25, 2006Working on the Blog Did I mention that I paint and sell watercolors as a hobby? I haven't painted in about a year since things have been so hectic not to mention expensive, but getting the "look" right seems to be the biggest issue I have getting my web page up and this blog. I have changed the template 3 times on this blog because I don't like it, the colors, the layout etc. The same thing with the web site, I have started two different sites and came to a stand still because I don't have the technical knowledge in web design to make things look like I want them. Advice from a wise friend was that I do a blog and learn layout and html and still be productive, so here I am, but facing the same issues. So please don't be surprised if the next time you see this, it is different from today.Monday, January 23, 2006Monday AMThe weekend was a blur, hardly took a breath in and it was over. The good-bye last night to my son and grandchildren was very hard. The kids didn't want to go, I didn't want them to go. Jeff seemed pleased about his blog and mentioned that he might post in it last night when they arrived home. We also talked about the website and what I was doing. Any extra money would help, both of us. If there were enough, extra it would afford me the opportunity to fly back and forth between Oakland and Portland for even a weekend visit. That is a luxury to me. I wish they lived closer, since the kids grew at least a foot, but if I can get this website up and running, it won't be another foot before I see them again. I did the drive from home to Oregon on taking a 3 day weekend; it was too hard. I was too tired and didn't enjoy my visit, and for the winter months, there are times the pass is closed between us. Flying up Friday and coming home Sunday is the easiest way to visit but its so expensive. I am a little apprehensive this morning about work. Sick last week and the doc had me stay home 3 days so I have no idea what faces me today there. Anyway to wrap up the me and why I am doing this..... for the next few years my husband and I attending counseling, together and separately, we were in church, pulling support from everywhere we could. I became pretty sick with an electrical problem in my heart it took two surgeries over 7 months to fix it. Let me back up for a minute....Before we met, he had a boat building business which he closed down shortly after we started living together. It was a money hole and he owned everyone he did business with. He filed bankruptcy as a corporation and personally. I had really good credit and strong financial situation and helped him through everything, cleaned up the bankruptcy, liens, old IRS and state taxes. He had two engineering degrees, electrical and mechanical and moved from position to position, each one better making more money than the last. Then he was fired, once, then twice, and the last time he said was in a series of circumstances where he had certain things in a contract which they violated so he sued them, breech of contract. He had a friend in San Francisco who was an attorney whose firm handled the case for us. It went on for over a year. During this time he spent money, a lot of money, because the settlement we would be getting was going to be huge. He was quoted by the attorney that the settlement was now over a couple of million since the company who fired him, lost in court and refused to pay. Interest and penalties (which were steep for failure to pay) changed the few hundred thousand to a couple of million in about 15 months. As they continued to fight the law suit escalating it from court to court, the longer it went on the better it was for us. He bought a car, and began to spend money everywhere, all the credit was in my name, since his credit was so poor and not yet reestablished. He bought new living room furniture, jewelry, all for me. It was a nice gesture and of course I loved the thought, but it was hard to enjoy since it wasn't paid for. I became more and more angry that he continued to purchase without the settlement. We had several conversations about why would he jeopardize our financial future, but he consistently assured me that the settlement was a done deal, it was just a matter of how much. It didn't ease my anxiety. We began looking at homes. He wanted to buy some property and move my son and his family on it, so they wouldn't have to move. It was a ranch style place and my youngest son was picking out the college of his choice, he told my mom she could retire, he was making promises everywhere. I was sick with worry since we weren't paying cash, and couldn't afford the monthly bills. He didn't want me to stress so he changed the strategy from buying with credit cards to purchases over time, no interest for a year, by that time the court case would be settled and we would pay it off with cash. We consistently had the conversation about how crazy it was making me. I asked him over and over that he was being careful with our future and wouldn't intentionally sabotage us financially. He assured me it was his future too and it didn't make sense for him to ruins our lives would I just trust him. I was a basket case, since I had never been in so much debt in my life, because he had another new position making over $110,000 a year in just base salary, and we were just making bills. By this time I hadn't worked in over a year, due to my heart issue and he kept saying there was no reason to go back to work. I had worked full time since I was 17 it was time to take a break. The trust me issue came up again. Every time we were in counseling there was the discussion about how I didn't trust him to make decision, I was too controlling, I was unable to get past his affair while in Denmark, and the lack of trust was chipping away at the foundation of our marriage. So I worked hard on trusting but my health started becoming a real problem. There were some major home upgrades he wanted to do to the house, (he was very handy at remodeling) plus pull enough out so I wouldn't worry so much until the case was paid up. Up until this point he didn't have his name on the house there was no reason to change it, even though I had offered several times, he always declined. Now, I was unable to work, didn't have a doctors release for my health so his salary is what the loan would be based on...they wouldn't do the loan on his salary unless his name was on the house. I will finish later, got to go to work now.  Saturday, January 21, 2006My Eldest Son's BirthdayI won't have a lot of time to write this morning. I am getting ready to drive to Oakland Airport to pick up my son and his family, then to my mom's where our extended family will gather for a belated Christmas and Jeff's 31st Birthday. Unfortunately his time here with us his short, they could only fly in today and leave tomorrow evening and I didn't want to miss a second, so business this weekend will be non existent. Time with my son, his wife and my amazing grandchildren, too short, but I will love every second. For his 31st birthday I set up a blog he is a very good writer, and very creative person, who as most of us do in mid life, put that on hold while we work and raise a family. I am hoping the blog will help him to hold onto a bit of that creativity through the daily grind. While in the process I heard the small voice in the back of my mind telling me I should set one up really quick before the day begins. So here I am, hurried, but happy to finally get the first entry in. I tired all week, but between work, being sick and trying to get the actually website working.....this was last on the list. However, I see this will be the easiest part. A bit about me and why the blog.... I work full time, struggle every month to make my house payment. I have owned my home for 18 years, raised three boys in it as a single mom and met a guy and married. Getting married took some convincing since I didn't trust much, had been unhappy in my marriage and didn't want to really marry again, cause I didn't think it would ever be different. Plus.....He was younger than I was, by 12 years, shorter, more slender and I gave every objection I could. It took 18 months, a year of that we lived together, so I could see if it was just another line or if he really meant it. He convinced me that I was the woman of his dreams. I was the happiest I had even been, blissfully married, life felt perfect, I had no complaints and life isn't perfect, but the few things that bothered me, I put away and dealt with on my own, silently, since I felt so incredibly blessed and didn't want to jinx it. We were married for 7 years and suddenly one day the whole dream started to unravel into a nightmare. It was so cliche....he was in Denmark working on a project for work. He had been home the week before and hadn't called for a couple of days which was odd for him. So I called his hotel room just before he would have gone to work...and yes... you guessed it, another woman answered. But since that was the last thing I would have believed I told her I must have had the wrong room and hung up. I rang again, she answered and I said, sorry they gave me the wrong room again. She said no, its the right room, I asked for Sean, she said he was gone to work. I asked who she was, she hung up. I was immediately physically ill. This couldn't be happening. I called him at work, he told me the truth, like it wasn't any big deal. I gotta go now....or miss the plane arrival. Will do more later. |
